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A long week is over. Between the holidays and i guess a busy week, the funeral home was not able to accommodate us until Friday and mom was buried Saturday. A lot of people showed up and we weren't sure about that because, of all her contemporaries only my aunt survives. I was surprised to see how many people from my workplace including my supervisor and department head showed at the viewing. I watched as people interacted and conversed and my mother became in the background, almost forgotten and that what has happened even to me after her burial. The extended period since she passed has been unsettled and unfinished. The grief is still there but my mother is now part of history.
I felt relief almost immediately after mom died; i have shut my cell phone off at night for the first time in almost seven years. Of course every time that feeling of relief surfaces, guilt bites me - You can't suffer some more stress so she could be still breathing? But i know her discomfort and suffering is over. We are all left with anger; as my blunt daughter put it "She's been dying for seven years". An undeniable fact. So time to move on; most people i've talked to in the past two days have assured me mom is with my dad and my sister. Such confidence has to be comforting; i'm not denying anything, i just don't have the crystal ball most seem to have. I will not deny that i felt 'presence' in mom's room a couple times in her last week but, what it meant i don't know. I would like to sleep for along time but i'm a light sleeper and every time i wake, my mind starts working too fast.
Mom's page:
https://www.bakerfuneralberea.com/notices/Alice-Strick
I felt relief almost immediately after mom died; i have shut my cell phone off at night for the first time in almost seven years. Of course every time that feeling of relief surfaces, guilt bites me - You can't suffer some more stress so she could be still breathing? But i know her discomfort and suffering is over. We are all left with anger; as my blunt daughter put it "She's been dying for seven years". An undeniable fact. So time to move on; most people i've talked to in the past two days have assured me mom is with my dad and my sister. Such confidence has to be comforting; i'm not denying anything, i just don't have the crystal ball most seem to have. I will not deny that i felt 'presence' in mom's room a couple times in her last week but, what it meant i don't know. I would like to sleep for along time but i'm a light sleeper and every time i wake, my mind starts working too fast.
Mom's page:
https://www.bakerfuneralberea.com/notices/Alice-Strick