Oh my God, your poor mother-in-law, and your poor wife. That is heartbreaking.
Your daughter sounds very level-headed. When you say food disorders, what exactly are you talking about? Disorder is a very broad term, and it's a real judgment call whether something is out of alignment enough to need an intervention. And these labels and assessments have changed over the last 20 years as well. If you had tried to intervene earlier, or even interfered, who's to say you wouldn't have created a situation of resistance and even more secrecy, if she wasn't ready for it. There's no way you're an inattentive parent. Now she's had enough and would like to address it, and she had no problem confiding in you straight off. I can't imagine anything that sounds more healthy and supportive.
My best friend has been like this since her teens-- obsessive about thinness and exercise; she worked in an environment which drove it, too. Stress fractures, etc. But I don't think twenty years ago anyone went so far as calling this a disorder, because she was healthy, highly functional (to put it mildly) and stable. Now they might, and probably to no-one's benefit. So I don't know exactly what your daughter is dealing with, but I don't think you should be shaken up by words like disorder, but just look at her competence as a whole person, which, come to think of it, is exactly what you said.
I hope your lodger can find a good safe place. That's not your house. What a desperate position for a young girl, and how great your kindness.
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Date: 2019-02-14 08:22 am (UTC)Your daughter sounds very level-headed. When you say food disorders, what exactly are you talking about? Disorder is a very broad term, and it's a real judgment call whether something is out of alignment enough to need an intervention. And these labels and assessments have changed over the last 20 years as well. If you had tried to intervene earlier, or even interfered, who's to say you wouldn't have created a situation of resistance and even more secrecy, if she wasn't ready for it. There's no way you're an inattentive parent. Now she's had enough and would like to address it, and she had no problem confiding in you straight off. I can't imagine anything that sounds more healthy and supportive.
My best friend has been like this since her teens-- obsessive about thinness and exercise; she worked in an environment which drove it, too. Stress fractures, etc. But I don't think twenty years ago anyone went so far as calling this a disorder, because she was healthy, highly functional (to put it mildly) and stable. Now they might, and probably to no-one's benefit. So I don't know exactly what your daughter is dealing with, but I don't think you should be shaken up by words like disorder, but just look at her competence as a whole person, which, come to think of it, is exactly what you said.
I hope your lodger can find a good safe place. That's not your house. What a desperate position for a young girl, and how great your kindness.